Guest Post: Amy Lied from "Doggie Bags Not Diaper Bags"

In honor of Mother's Day this Sunday, I reached out to my friend Amy Lied to write a guest post on her experiences with the holiday through the lens of a mother who has struggled with infertility, miscarriage, and infant loss. You can read more about her journey at "Doggie Bags Not Diaper Bags". My goal for this blog is to offer a safe space to write about our life experiences. If you would like to write a Guest Post for my Blog, please feel free to email me at eclecticmomusings@gmail.com

Without further ado, Amy Lied:

Growing up I remember celebrating Mother’s Day with my Mom; making little pieces of art for her in pre-school, buying her little “mom”- centric pieces of jewelry, spending the day with her getting nails done. 

I remember imagining what it would be like for me when I had children; having similar moments like I did with my mother on her special day. 

Then I struggled to conceive and Mother’s Day became a trigger for me.  Seeing all the happy family posts on social media, broke me.  Would I ever have that?

The following year, I was pregnant for the first time in my life but it wasn’t a blissful pregnancy.  A few days prior to Mother’s day I had been told things were not looking good, this likely wasn’t a viable pregnancy.  

The year after that was my first Mother’s Day as a mother, except my child wasn’t here.  My son, Asher, was stillborn only 3 months prior.

The next year I was pregnant with twin daughters.  I spent the day hopeful that I would be able to keep them, that I would have living children in my arms on Mother’s Day the following year, which thankfully I did.

Mother’s Day is not a happy day for me.

It’s a hard one.

One that usually is filled with tears, and not always the happy kind.

Mother’s day is a blatant reminder that my son, my firstborn child, isn’t here.  I am acutely aware of that fact every single day of my life, but on certain days it is made glaringly more obvious to me; the photos of “complete” families celebrating their mother blasted all over social media, the little boys celebrating their mother.

I am so grateful that I have two lively, energetic daughters here on Earth with me.  That I am lucky enough to have watched them grow these past 2.5 years.  That I am able to receive handmade pictures on Mother’s Day from them, the thing I longed to have for years as we struggled to have a family.

However, their physical existence in this world doesn’t take away the pain over the fact that Asher does NOT physically exist in it.

Losing a child changes you and it changes how you view the world around you.

Things are no longer “either/or”.  They are “and”.

It’s not either happy OR sad.

It’s happy AND sad.

I can be overjoyed with happiness that I am able to celebrate Mother’s Day with living children AND I can be devastated that one of my children is missing from the celebrations. 

For those of you who find Mother’s Day to be a triggering day, I see you. 

I am you.

I am the woman who struggled to conceive and broke seeing mothers celebrated, while I longed to be one of them.

I am the woman who was told her pregnancy wasn’t viable and cried while clutching her first trimester pregnant belly on Mother’s Day, wishing things would’ve been different.

I am the woman who delivered her silent son into world, only months prior, and cried on the floor in his empty room on Mother’s Day.

I am the woman who cried tears of joy and sadness as she celebrated her first Mother’s day with full arms.

I am the woman who needs to excuse herself on Mother’s Day to be alone, feel the grief, and sob for just a little while before I celebrate the day with my daughters.

Mother’s day is not just a happy, celebratory day. 

It is happy AND sad for so many women.

I encourage you to remember those women, like me, on this Mother’s Day.

Amy Lied is a married mother of a fur baby, a stillborn son, and toddler twin daughters.  She writes about her experiences with infertility, infant loss, and parenting after loss on her personal blog, Doggie Bags Not Diaper Bags.  Amy is a co-founder of the Lucky Anchor Project, an organization to support those who have suffered the loss of a child.  They have an Etsy Store where their proceeds are donated to loss non-profits, host online support groups, and even have a podcast.