Dear Young Type 1

A few weeks back, I started a very cool research study for those with type 1 diabetes, who also struggle with their body image. I initially came across it and did not qualify because I was over the age range they were looking for. But recently, I got an email about them expanding to 35 years old, so I JUST made the cut. I'm so thankful I did and I plan to write more about it in the future. Each week we are given homework assignments. After taking a break from blogging when my Grandma passed away, this has inspired me to get back to writing. For now, I wanted to share my homework from the first week. Writing is really cathartic for me, getting it all out on the page. We were asked to write a letter to a younger individual with type 1 diabetes who is struggling with their body image about the costs of pursuing the "thin ideal". Here is what I wrote:

Dear Young Type One-

I am so sorry you’re struggling with your body image, considering chasing the impossible dream of the “thin ideal”. I can very much relate, as I’ve been struggling with the same for a long time. The desire to be deemed conventionally attractive and desirable, while also doing it in the name of “health”. It’s so tempting, and popular culture acts as though it is an easy feat. The added layer of diabetes management on top of it is enough to make your head spin.

While I can relate to why on a surface level you would want to look a certain way, I encourage you to resist with all your might! The cost of pursuing the thin ideal is steep. I’ve lost so much time and missed out on big life moments. The hours lost compulsively exercising in the gym and tracking every calorie consumed most of my days for over 15+ years on and off. I would avoid certain social events if I was unsure of the food available. When I would go out to eat, I would choose the lowest calorie options regardless if that is what I really wanted, never fully enjoying my meal. 

Even if I was physically present, a lot of times I was mentally checked out. My brain capacity was overrun with thoughts of planning my next meal or workout. Memories of those times are hard to come by, because I wasn’t truly present. Now I look back in regret, wondering how life would have been different if I had truly lived in the moment. My friends may have never said it out loud, but I am sure they grew frustrated when I wasn’t engaged in conversation due to looking up the calorie count of whatever food I was contemplating eating. 

The mental strain is immense as well. Anxiety and fear on a loop in the back of your mind, wondering what the scale will say, and feeling utterly defeated if it ticks upward. Mood swings are common, with the lack of adequate nutrition impairing your ability to think clearly. Depression and anguish would often creep in, especially on bad body image days. There is also a financial cost. It makes me sick to think of all the money I’ve spent on weight loss programs, diet pills, apps., etc. 

Above all else, there is the physical cost of putting my body through so much stress. You see article after article about the toll stress does to the body, as well as the mind. Yet, dieting in the name of the “thin ideal” is when I put myself under the greatest amount of stress. My sugars were ALL OVER the place, leading to physical exhaustion and mental guilt. I would be SO upset, blaming my inability to “control” my body, when deep down I needed self compassion. When I am more calm and at peace with myself, I notice the difference in my blood sugars. They are more level and less of a roller coaster ride. This reinforces my newfound goal of body acceptance and intuitive eating, seeing how it helps me physically and emotionally.

So my sweet friend, please find it in your heart to choose a different path. Go down a brighter, more promising road. It may feel like you’re swimming upstream at times, going against popular opinion, but in your soul you’ll know you are where you are truly meant to be.

With Love, Jess

I imgained writing this to College Jess aka Shotgun Jess

For the second exercise, I was told to list 10 positive qualities about myself, with at least 3 being physical. I encourage anyone else struggling with their self-worth to give it a try. It really helps turn those negative thoughts around.

Things I Love About Myself

1. My greenish blue eyes
2. My kind smile
3. My curvy waist
4. My stomach for growing to accommodate Lucy
5. My empathy for others
6. My analytical brain for helping overcome hard situations
7. My perseverance for allowing me to keep moving forward
8. My legs for allowing me to explore my world
9. My hands for allowing me to write
10. My big heart, pouring my love into those important in my life

Bonus: MY TATTOOS!!

Learning to Love, Accept, and Nurture Current Jess

I look forward to sharing more as I continue with this group. It definitely has lit the writing bug again, and for that I am grateful 💜