Hot Chocolate.

-

Hot Chocolate. Sounds innocent enough right? Not for me. This cup of hot chocolate has a lot of brain power behind it:

“Hmmm. Lucy’s asleep? Nice winter day. I could go for Hot Chocolate. In the Mom Loft. Oh, we only have Regular hot chocolate? Do I Deserve said Regular hot chocolate? I’m Supposed to only have Diet hot chocolate (Not true! Food rule I am trying to overcome). But I WANT it. I deserve to enjoy my food irregardless of my diabetes, while making healthy decisions…..

Freezes in the anxiety of making a decision that impacts my life, in every way possible. 

**Checks Insulin Pump**

Oh shit. My sugar is starting to dip. How many carbs am I having? And I have insulin on board? Hmm. Should I bolus now or later? I guess I’ll wait.” 

On. And on. And on. 

I don’t share this to complain. I’m getting used to it. I can argue with my inner demons. Instead of cowering in their shadow. Frozen. Unable to make a choice. I don’t want a pity party.

But, I want people to understand what I’m sure others like myself are going through. Diabetes requires a lot of thought with every bite. Thinking about food like that all the time is EXHAUSTING. It can either turn you completely off to food. “Avoiding it is just easier” (Says the disordered eating brain). Or it fuels this weird OBSESSION with food. I must know every time I’ll be able to eat again. Snack “escape plans”. Check the menus before I go to the restaurant. PLAN. EVERY. BITE. 

It kind of sucks the joy out of food right?

So if your loved ones with diabetes look like they’re zoning out, we probably are. It’s because we are trying to decide if the second slice of pizza is “Worth It”. If your loved ones recovering from disordered eating look frozen in fear deciding what to order for takeout, we probably are. 

It’s no wonder individuals with diabetes are at a higher risk for mental health issues! Why don’t I see this talked about more? I love the T1D Community. I can message my friends from diabetes camp after YEARS without talking and it’s like I’m home again. I feel seen. But, I don’t see a lot of people talking about the darker sides of diabetes. Depression. Anxiety. Disordered Eating. Suicide. Yes… Suicide. Add a Pandemic on top of that?? Shit can get DARK.

So, if you can, walk a mile in our shoes the next time you decide what you want to eat. It’s just hot chocolate, right? 

Resources:

https://care.diabetesjournals.org/content/26/6/1841

https://www.diabetes.org/healthy-living/mental-health

https://www.diabetes.org/diabetes/type-1/mental-health

https://twloha.com/

https://www.mhanational.org/

https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Dear Young Type 1

-
Image
A few weeks back, I started a very cool research study for those with type 1 diabetes, who also struggle with their body image. I initially came across it and did not qualify because I was over the age range they were looking for. But recently, I got an email about them expanding to 35 years old, so I JUST made the cut. I'm so thankful I did and I plan to write more about it in the future. Each week we are given homework assignments. After taking a break from blogging when my Grandma passed away , this has inspired me to get back to writing. For now, I wanted to share my homework from the first week. Writing is really cathartic for me, getting it all out on the page. We were asked to write a letter to a younger individual with type 1 diabetes who is struggling with their body image about the costs of pursuing the "thin ideal". Here is what I wrote: Dear Young Type One- I am so sorry you’re struggling with your body image, considering chasing the impossible dream of the “
Read more

Grieving Halloween

-
Image
With the final hours of Halloween coming to an end, I sit in the Mom Loft  thinking about what Halloween means to me. Sure, I love spooky stuff, skulls  and witchy shit (cue Stevie Nicks), but Halloween is so much more to me. Some say Halloween is when the veil between our world and the next is at its thinnest, allowing us to connect with loved ones who have passed. Día de los Muertos is another holiday this time of year that revolves around connecting with our dearly departed. The way they build ofrendas for their deceased family is so beautiful to me. I do something similar in my home, displaying pictures of my ancestors on the wall. It makes me feel connected to the bigger picture.  This year, Halloween just hit differently. It was one of my Grandma B.’s favorite holidays. She would always dress up at work, with her quirky earrings and funny costumes. I ended up inheriting most of the earrings, and wore them proudly the last few weeks.  I miss my Grandma B. so very much, it hurts
Read more

Lost in the Woods

-
Image
Lately I've been feeling like I’m lost in the woods, or in some sort of weird limbo. This is the best I have felt in a long time, but it’s not what I had been anticipating. There are these fleeting moments when I start to feel like a true human being. Not the shell whose life is dictated by so many external factors: the Zombie Jess . Sure, I am better able to talk through and then go into situations that generally give me severe anxiety, but something is missing. I’m not entirely sure what. I’m making small, but sustainable changes in my life, while also celebrating bigger milestones, like being alcohol free for almost 8 months . That should be a bigger deal, but I’ve been hesitant to celebrate it. Not that I plan to drink again anytime soon, if ever. But I guess I thought I’d be “better” by now.  "Cured". I’d finally heal what had been ailing me. Anxiety. Depression. Self-loathing.  Sadly no, they were there the whole time, alcohol just suppressed them, allowing the woun
Read more